whoa

depression man, what the fuck is that all about?

I guess i'm still trying to grapple with how it effects my body, my mind, my everything really. it sucks some days i dont even want to feed myself, and i fucking love food. sitting in this perfect square ready for it to end.

it's been a lot of jazz lately, which is a clear indication of how my mental might be. this aint the island no more thats for damn sure. i feel them pressures moving in close and sinking in my pores, i've been trying to shake them loose but rent got a hold on me, grocery bags weighing me down, employment at my neck.

i gotta find relief. i feel even foolish transcribing these feelings cause i think it might be perpetuating more of what im tryna counter. where does your brain go for rest? when you cant sleep long enough, cant fall asleep fast enough.

its good no one can hear me here. i would be embarrassed. only because its feels like shouting into deep space. no response just stars gazing. drop the ideals, drop the ego, push towards your goal, towards your desire.
well, what is that? where are you trying to go? what are you trying to do?
A part of me believes i couldn't do it if i tried. im not as good as i used to be. was i ever any good?
should've been picked up, pointed out, selected by now.

but again, be your own sugar daddy!

it's been a while

imma update yall lol its been literally 8 years.

This Is Completely Out of Control

So I know i said all that stuff about me keeping up with this thing.....well let's just forget about that and start new. :)

I am currently a sophomore in college and as single as a dollar bill. I don't care to recap the things that have happened since the last time i blogged because i would be writing for days, let's just say I'm trying to be hopeful for a certain someone who, at the moment, is getting on my nerves, because i don't like to be the one who always initiates a conversation or sends the first text message. It just shows me that you don't really care and I wish people would be upfront with how they feel and if my efforts are in vain or not.

Anyways, this is not what this post is supposed to be about! It's fall people and I'm in that phase where i wear scarves and hoodies and drink my weight in coffee and hot tea! Only thing I need now is someone to cuddle with while we listen to Glen Hansard serenade us and just be cute, but apparently that sounds disastrous because no one wants to do that it seems. I am constantly reading tweets about how people want to cuddle but I guess they are waiting on the right person to cuddle with. I mean I have a couple people i could call and cuddle with but I know after about 5 minutes they would start to get annoying....look at me, acting like i have all these people on standby. It's actually kind of pretentious.

Nope....I'm still searching for someone who understands but I think I will be searching forever. I want to be found, I'm tired of looking. I don't know if being found or that look where the two or your eyes meet and you just know.....but let's get back to reality.

Until next time,

Love you!

WOW!

it has been entirely too long. as i was rereading the posts that i blogged and i realized that i am in a completely different state of mind now.....it's kind of a good thing that i look at this periodically even if i don't post anything just to see my progression as an individual. i'm very proud of the person i am now and i don't think i am done evolving and i love change so bring it on! man it is absolutely amazing to look back and see this! it's almost as if i'm talking to a past me and the present me's jaw in on the floor i'm so astounded! i look forward to having this experience again when i revisit my blog in another 2-3 months!!! :) happy blogging friends!

So it's february!

this post has nothing to do with february other than the fact that today marks the 3rd year that i have had my license! ANNNYWAYSS!!! i did it guys i finally broke it off and now im a free man! so let's get this party started.

it's just factual!

hipsters look better with other hipsters! it makes me look like less of a hipster if you're wearing abercrombie!!!! it just doesn't work that way, sorry!

well that's only one reason on top of the other 300 reasons why i'm about to call it quits! i know i wanted to break my 2 month curse but you are about to drive me up the wall! like i can't deal with this, people asking me where i am all the time! i don't like people trying to control me and know my every move! it actually makes you look psychotic if we are going to be completely honest.

don't even get me started on twitter how you say stupid things like "i hate when i don't get a text from that special person." seriously that shit is annoying; it was kinda cute at first but now i'm about to blow my brains out!

phew.....just had to get that off my chest!

FYI

i just had a nice little meeting with Mr. Toilet! that's it.