whoa

depression man, what the fuck is that all about?

I guess i'm still trying to grapple with how it effects my body, my mind, my everything really. it sucks some days i dont even want to feed myself, and i fucking love food. sitting in this perfect square ready for it to end.

it's been a lot of jazz lately, which is a clear indication of how my mental might be. this aint the island no more thats for damn sure. i feel them pressures moving in close and sinking in my pores, i've been trying to shake them loose but rent got a hold on me, grocery bags weighing me down, employment at my neck.

i gotta find relief. i feel even foolish transcribing these feelings cause i think it might be perpetuating more of what im tryna counter. where does your brain go for rest? when you cant sleep long enough, cant fall asleep fast enough.

its good no one can hear me here. i would be embarrassed. only because its feels like shouting into deep space. no response just stars gazing. drop the ideals, drop the ego, push towards your goal, towards your desire.
well, what is that? where are you trying to go? what are you trying to do?
A part of me believes i couldn't do it if i tried. im not as good as i used to be. was i ever any good?
should've been picked up, pointed out, selected by now.

but again, be your own sugar daddy!